Friday, May 17, 2013

Balance

It’s amazing how we can balance so many things in our lives; work, kids activities, coaching, exercise… this list can go on and on. What is being balanced? The most modern term would be in harmony, but the true definition is a steady state, a state in which a body or object remains reasonably steady in a particular position while resting on a base that is small to its other dimensions.  So I guess life can be balanced – everything equally proportioned so you are committed in every aspect of life the same way.  Am I really balanced? My children would say they probably don’t get as much time with me as they would like, my job always seems like I am a few days behind schedule, exercise is not the devoted time that it used to be.  So in truth I am not balanced.  Even off balance, something can come and completely tilt you off balance in a different direction.  That something for me is cancer.  I work in the cancer prevention center, I know about cancer, I research ways for other people to prevent it, yet it still manages to stick its nasty head straight in my face.   My mom’s liver cancer is stage 4 adenocarcinoma – lung cancer that has spread to her liver.  Without turning into a cancer lesson, it basically means that the liver is a secondary site, thus the cancer has spread through the blood stream.  That is not a good thing.  So now my life takes a different focus, a different kind of balance.  A balance of  all the items listed earlier plus spending as much time with my mom as possible.  I love this quote – Life is like riding a bicycle, in order to keep your balance you must keep moving.  I will continue to keep moving… keep moving to find that balance whether it’s harmony or just keeping things steady, I’ll do what it takes perhaps not gracefully but with determination and love.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Cancer...

It seems like such a simple word. Meaning the Crab in Astrology. Keywords include gentle, conservative, feeling, nurturing, defensive, and contemplative.  Yet this is not the Cancer that we most often think of. The cancer in my life has key words too -  malignant, invasive growth, division (of cells), destroying.  It is a word that causes anger, frustration, sadness.  It is a word that needs hope, strength love. 

Today I found out that my mom has liver cancer.  I knew the outcome was going to be this, but when you finally actually get that information it’s still hard to deal with.  All sorts of emotions arise and all I want to do is run.  Run until my legs are numb, my lungs are full and my head is cleared out.  But in reality, life is busy, I must work, take care of the boys, I have responsibilities – running will have to wait.  For now I swallow the lump in my throat, look up at the sun to stop the tears from flowing and just breathe. I will face this ugly thing called cancer with the only true powers that I have… love, grace, laughter and prayer.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength
Philippians 4:13