Bound and Determined

So I had an eye opening experience this weekend that reminded me just how off track I am with my health.  I have been so focused on the health of others, mainly my mother’s, that I have lost focus of me.  This weekend I attempted to 1) surf behind a moving boat 2) knee board.  Both were unsuccessful.  While I should get credit for even attempting, it was also a defeating experience that I should be able to do this.  OK – the surfing one was a bit difficult, perhaps more mechanics and brain power then physical fitness, but the knee board; that shouldn’t have been so darn difficult.  My niece made it look surprisingly easy, she just popped up on the board and away she went.  Me, well there was no popping.  It was a continuous struggle of me fighting with my arms to hold the rope (mind you it’s attached to a boat going fairly fast) and trying without success to pull my body off the board and get on my knees.  From Mason’s perspective in the boat, he was wondering when I was going to try and get up.  I explained to him that I was trying the entire time!  But did not have enough arm strength to pull the rope, creep up onto my knees and successfully get into the proper knee boarding position.  I was well… tummy boarding.  I attempted multiple times, all to no avail, which led to frustration and a bit of a pitty party on my part.

So as the warm weather sets in and it’s only 33 days until I ride my bike 100 miles a bit of panic sets in; as well as a bit of resolution that I am the key to my success or failure.  I know this – I work in research for Pete’s sake.  The research I work on is focused on obesogenic outcomes and helping others to lose weight.  So I set new attainable goals, to get to the shape I was a year ago, to focus on upcoming events including the Obliteride, triathlons and a half marathon.  Ever since losing Emory (a whole different long story) I have used exercise to release my stress and cope with the changes in my life.  Somehow I lost focus of that and turned to the old standby of cinnamon bears.  With the new stress of my mother’s cancer, I know I need a positive outlet and I know what it is, I need to commit to putting time in my calendar for the needed exercise.  I need to recommit to the Weight Watchers I am paying for and not attending. I need to recommit to me!  I am hoping that my affirmations here and by writing this down for others to see that I will stay determined.  And darn it, I am bound and determined to get up on that knee board the next time the chance arrives!